10. Al-Qaida taunts America with "Your president's so fat" jokes
9. Goodbye White House vegetable garden
8. Cabinet will now have a Secretary of Cake
7. New state: Fatbuttachusetts
6. Congress does whatever he wants, because fat guys are, like, super-strong when they freak out
5. Presidential retreat moved from Camp David to Hershey Park
4. Taxpayers would have to pay for the president's second seat on Air Force One
3. New national anthem: the "Chili's baby back ribs" song
2. Instead of Iraq, we'd invade IHOP
1. Scandal when president is caught in Oval Office with Betty Crocker and Sara Lee
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